Apparently I Could Beat Up William Shatner
This classic fight scene from Star Trek proves that I could probably beat Captain Kirk in a fight in a desert.
Lexus: Only Douchebags Can Drive Our New Car
Lexus is releasing a new supercar dubbed the LFA (or ALF if you rearrange the letters) and they are adamant that not just anyone with $350,000 will be able to drive it ... only douchebags with $350,000 will be allowed to get in the drivers seat of a vehicle that looks like a modded Nissan 350z.
Lexus LFA, a Nissan ripoff for $350,000 (Flickr HaveFunSVO)
So where does the douchebag part come from?
But simply having the $350,000 to buy one of the 500 LFAs Lexus plans to produce won't be enough: Buyers must be tapped by the company to be owners. People selected to purchase the car will be based on factors such as the other cars they own, where they live, and how often and where they drive. Potential buyers must apply through an authorized Lexus distributor.
Wow. Hey Lexus, if you want to be taken seriously as a high end car company, don't put out shitty cars like the IS200. Second since when has a company so brazenly requested its car owners be douchebags ... seriously Lexus I'm sure this Nissan ripoff is going to look great when its pulled over for speeding in a school zone.
Look, right now the luxury car market / douchebag mobile driving demographic isn't doing so well. The Ferrari California has seen some cancellations and Hummer is now owned by a Chinese company (irony?) ... in fact if anyone is looking for an '08 or '09 used Lambo on ebay and has the cash, you can pick one up for 50% of what the original owner probably paid.
"We want people who will drive the car, who will be seen in the car," said Paul Williamson, national manager at Lexus College, Toyota's dealer training school. "We want it to be seen on the right roads, in front of the right restaurants and not just being enjoyed by one individual in their private garage." (source)
God forbid I park this $350,000 car in a garage (especially during a hail storm where Lexus apparently wants me showing off the LFAils handling). Is someone at Lexus going to have a heart attack if the car drives through a zip code where the median household income isn't in the top 50 nationally. I mean I guess driving this car east of I-35 would cause the poor thing to self-destruct (which isn't saying a lot about the vehicle's reliability).
Lexus, get over yourself. Your company's sole mission is to build nicer looking Toyotas and sometimes you can't even get that right. Good luck with the ALF.
Karate Kid Remake: An Epic Fail in the Making
So for those of you who don't know, they are remaking the classic film The Karate Kid. The original version was a commercial and critical success to the point that Pat Morita earned an Academy Award nomination for best supporting actor. The film is a well loved classic which is why Hollywood has decided that it would be the perfect movie to ruin with an updated version.
I encourage you to watch the trailer first then read about all of the mistakes this film is making below:
- First of all KARATE IS FROM JAPAN. It was developed in Japan's Ryukyu Islands and was later brought to main land Japan. I'd like to take this opportunity to note that international relations between China and Japan are cordial but the countries are not close in any way. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if Chinese people are mad that a Japanese martial art is featured in main land China.
- Second of all Jackie Chan is a master of Kung-Fu. Knowing Kung Fu is in no way akin to knowing Karate ... imagine driving an automatic transmission and thinking you don't need someone to teach you how to drive a semi-truck because you "know how to drive."
- Third the film is really negative in how it portrays Chinese life. The film portrays China as an ambivalent society that doesn't welcome foreigners but I would completely disagree ... if you look at the China's record on human rights, you'll see a loving inclusive society that encourages diversity. /sarcasm
- Fourth of all the film acts like all Chinese children know martial arts. That's bullshit. Most of the Chinese people I know can't bench press the bar at the gym (mainly because they are women) and the ones that are really strong would rather brag about their successful careers and basketball skills rather than any prowess in martial arts.
- Fifth of all Jackie Chan isn't a great choice for a lead character. If you want someone who knows how to kick some ass, cast someone from the UFC who uses karate to win championships (cough Lyoto Machida cough). With the emergence of mixed martial arts, it makes other martial arts actors (with the exception of Tony Jaa from Ong Bak fame) look like well ... actors.
- Sixth of all the film gives it a 2000s "Dance Movie" type feel. If you watched the trailer and felt like you were watching Save the Last Dance, you aren't alone.
- Seventh of all the film, if you're still reading, I did some research while writing this post and discovered that the film will indeed be about Kung Fu. So then why the hell call it The Karate Kid? WTF?
Liberal Arm Injury Update
I've decided to coin my injury as a liberal arm injury since I hurt my left arm and I was playing the traditional liberal past time of soccer as opposed to conservative sports like washers and polo.
For those of you who don't know, I injured my arm playing soccer and broke both bones in my forearm in multiple places. My arm is going to be in a cast for a long time and my arm will now set off airport security checkpoints. I get my current cast replaced next week with a supercast (still waiting on the bill).
Things I have learned to do with one arm
- Typing but with no more wasted keystrokes (example ummm, j/k, dude)
- Opening child-proof pill bottles
- Opening ketchup packets
- Teaching other people SEO
- Driving (although my arm keeps hitting the brights when I hit the left turn signal)
Also with only one working arm no one asks you for money on the street and you get an aura of street credibility.