Why Does Greg Maddux Look Like Al Gore?
Greg Maddux is one of my all time favorite pitchers and when I visited his Wikipedia page, I noticed he looks an awful lot like Al Gore.
Greg Maddux
Al Gore
Scary isn't it?
My Favorite Ol’ Dirty Bastard Videos
The more you analyze the life of Ol' Dirty Bastard (Russell Jones), the more you miss his outrageous persona and penchant for walking the walk and talking the talk.
ODB > Shawn Colvin > Puff Daddy
- The Grammy's suck but let's be honest, ODB's famous interruption is a classic moment in the "Screw the dumbest awards show ever" highlight reel. My favorite quotes "I bought me a outfit today that costed a lot of money" "Wu-Tang is for the children" and "Puffy is good but Wu-Tang is the best"
ODB Picks up Welfare in a Limo
- True classic of American cinema
Baby I Got Your Money
- This song was actually one of the ways I bonded with one of my best friends back when we were in college. Chris and I would either recite the lyrics or make the clapping sound. I still love when I occasionally hear this song in the club. I will honestly go into Ranch and or JBlacks for this song (and maybe the first 20 seconds of Hypnotize by Notorious BIG)
ODB interview outtakes
I won't describe this with words, words are nothing compared to ODB
ODB's Freestyle
Whatever he says it sounds cool. Subtitles?
RZA and ODB at a high school talent show?
ODB Speaks His Mind in Brooklyn Without Shoes
- I see a lot of people in Downtown Austin that seem to say the exact same thing (no embedding, check it out here). "You ain't gotta tell your teacher off tell your teacher off with education you kno what im sayin BOMB his ass White devil motherfucker"
... if only ODB ran for president.
Avatar Observations
Yeah yeah yeah, you've read 20 other blogs reviewing Avatar and have already seen the movie and drunkenly discussed the film with your friends but I'd like to offer my thoughts. I saw the film in IMAX 3D on the final showing before it switches over to Alice in Burtonland and here are some of my observations (note I will not use any mainstream criticisms like the plot or the mineral unobtanium):
Avatar Internet > Earth Internet
On Pandora, if you want to get online and check emails from your ancestors, IM with animals or post on the Tree God's forum, all you have to do is plug your hair into their network. No router. No 404 errors. No network problems. No $30 in monthly fees. No unhelpful foreign tech support telling you to cycle the modem. No rickrolling. No trolling.
In fact the only bad part is that if someone with dirty hair also uses the same connection point you're going to get some nasty hair issues.
edit: Their internet doesn't have porn or torrents so its probably even
Avatar's Blue People > Blue Man Group > "Blue (ba da bee)" by Eiffel 65
Avatar's blue people are 10 feet tall, shoot poisonous arrows and can communicate with nature without the use of acid. The blue man group just bangs on stuff and Eiffel 65 still sucks.
Long and awkward crowd shots: Matrix Reloaded > Avatar
Avatar features some really out of place shots during the community prayer sequence at the magic tree (yes I did just say that). All the blue people swaying and praying made me feel awkward much in the way that the cave rave shots from Matrix Reloaded made that movie awkward. The only difference was the Matrix had some nips.
Avatar political preaching > Michael Moore
I know everyone has already covered this but rather than choose to be subtle in how he presented his message, James Cameron made it perfectly clear. The blue people are Democrats.
Use of black screens to cut scenes: Law and Order > Avatar
Avatar surprised me in that it featured multiple instances where a new scene was introduced by the previous scene fading to black. At least Law and Order puts some text to give you an idea of where they are.
Big budget lesser known actors: Sam Worthington > Elijah Wood
In order to play Frodo, Elijah Wood basically grew out his hair because he's already a small person. Sam Worthington either had the muscles removed from his legs or he rode a Segway for three months straight because when they did shots of his legs, they were sticks. I'll give him some respect for dedication.
Those things you sit in and shoot things with: Avatar > Matrix Revolutions
In Matrix reloaded the TTYSIASTW's were pretty lame (not to mention the cringeworthy Braveheart ripoff speech where the general rallies the TTYSIASTW operators and they all lift their left arm gun things in unison). In Avatar the TTYSIASTWs featured a cockpit w/HUD that protected them rather than the open cockpits of the machines in Matrix Revolutions. The TTYSIASTWs in Avatar allowed them to manipulate objects and hold different weapons and had a surprising amount of dexterity. In both movies however, the TTYSIASTWs are ultimately defeated by smaller and more nimble creatures.
More unlikely romance: Anna Nicole Smith and that rich old guy > Avatar
Both examples feature people that shouldn't really be together considering their circumstances but in each instance their romances were able to flourish despite criticism from close friends/family. In Avatar the fake blue guy is nearly killed by his future wife which tends to happen a lot in the real world. How often do we hear things like "My wife is gonna kill me when she finds out I bet on the Colts" or "My wife almost killed me with a golf club after discovering I cheated on her with 10 different women."
But the reason Anna Nicole Smith wins is because even blind people could see through that romance. Of course she's dead now so I guess her move didn't really pay off (yeah cruel joke but Haiti is much more tragic than a former Playboy model with drug problems)
Would an army of dragons, dinosaurs and archers actually beat a squad of gunships in real life?
Yes but only due to the fact that with current budget overruns and controversies over military contracts, these machines will probably never be built.
Blue-daism > RDAtheism
You'll only get that if you saw the movie.
Apparently I Could Beat Up William Shatner
This classic fight scene from Star Trek proves that I could probably beat Captain Kirk in a fight in a desert.
Karate Kid Remake: An Epic Fail in the Making
So for those of you who don't know, they are remaking the classic film The Karate Kid. The original version was a commercial and critical success to the point that Pat Morita earned an Academy Award nomination for best supporting actor. The film is a well loved classic which is why Hollywood has decided that it would be the perfect movie to ruin with an updated version.
I encourage you to watch the trailer first then read about all of the mistakes this film is making below:
- First of all KARATE IS FROM JAPAN. It was developed in Japan's Ryukyu Islands and was later brought to main land Japan. I'd like to take this opportunity to note that international relations between China and Japan are cordial but the countries are not close in any way. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if Chinese people are mad that a Japanese martial art is featured in main land China.
- Second of all Jackie Chan is a master of Kung-Fu. Knowing Kung Fu is in no way akin to knowing Karate ... imagine driving an automatic transmission and thinking you don't need someone to teach you how to drive a semi-truck because you "know how to drive."
- Third the film is really negative in how it portrays Chinese life. The film portrays China as an ambivalent society that doesn't welcome foreigners but I would completely disagree ... if you look at the China's record on human rights, you'll see a loving inclusive society that encourages diversity. /sarcasm
- Fourth of all the film acts like all Chinese children know martial arts. That's bullshit. Most of the Chinese people I know can't bench press the bar at the gym (mainly because they are women) and the ones that are really strong would rather brag about their successful careers and basketball skills rather than any prowess in martial arts.
- Fifth of all Jackie Chan isn't a great choice for a lead character. If you want someone who knows how to kick some ass, cast someone from the UFC who uses karate to win championships (cough Lyoto Machida cough). With the emergence of mixed martial arts, it makes other martial arts actors (with the exception of Tony Jaa from Ong Bak fame) look like well ... actors.
- Sixth of all the film gives it a 2000s "Dance Movie" type feel. If you watched the trailer and felt like you were watching Save the Last Dance, you aren't alone.
- Seventh of all the film, if you're still reading, I did some research while writing this post and discovered that the film will indeed be about Kung Fu. So then why the hell call it The Karate Kid? WTF?
Cool Video My Friend Made
This was made by my friend David Blue Garcia and includes my friend Blake. Check it out and if you like it go to the main video page and leave a comment (which counts as vote?)
It’s Official: I dated Jessica Alba
In the early days of Wikipedia, I had an entry where I claimed among other things to have dated Jessica Alba in 2004. Of course this never happened but not according to a new E-Book by Webster's:
LOLOLOLOLOL
Content scraping FTW!
Avatar Makes Perfect Sense
- The planet where the action takes place is called Pandora. So I guess that means that everyone on the planet has their own radio station. That's pretty cool. I bet the blue people since to "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65 on repeat. (oddly enough Eiffel 65 is an Italian group)
- The blue people or Na'Vi (which is strangely close to spelling Nativity) speak perfect English. What a coincidence! Imagine having to read subtitles while watching 3d battles ... major bummer for kids who don't read good.
- The film has been rated PG-13 by the MPAA for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking. ORLY?
- The protagonist is a former US Marine who was wounded in combat on earth and paralyzed from the waist down. So ... apparently, 200 years from now, we're still in Afghanistan.
- "Jake is selected to participate in the Avatar program, which will enable him to walk." So apparently in the future, disabled people can walk around but only while masquerading as 10 foot tall blue creatures with tails. (That's really mean James Cameron!). If I could walk around as a blue creature, I'd commit arson and tax fraud and blame it on my blue avatar.
- "As humans encroach deeper into Pandora's forests in search of valuable minerals, the Na’vi unleash their formidable warrior abilities to defend their threatened existence." Lame. James Cameron could cut this movie to a 15-minute short story with one simple prop ... smallpox blankets. Seriously I'm surprised that the humans didn't offer empty treaties and relocate the blue people to Oklahoma to build casinos (and damn good ones by the way).
- "Over time, Jake integrates himself into the Na'vi clan, and begins to fall in love with Neytiri. As a result, Jake finds himself caught between the military-industrial forces of Earth and the Na’vi, forcing him to choose sides in an epic battle that will decide the fate of Pandora forever."
Hint: Jake is a liberal. He'll choose love and probably stop shaving and live in the forest with the blue people and smoke pot and make pottery and then make trips home to Florida to vote for Al Gore IV.
Jake needs to learn there are a lot of 10-foot tall blue girls looking for disabled humans who pretend to be someone else. (cough that was the plot of the Matrix cough). Just let the humans take over and get them moon rocks and then marry whatever is left (I bet a human/Na'vi kid would probably resemble Keith van Horn). Then Jake can return to Earth or Pandora and start Cash4MoonRocks and make some serious bank to buy enough whiskey to assuage the pain of his transgressions.
