Avatar Makes Perfect Sense
- The planet where the action takes place is called Pandora. So I guess that means that everyone on the planet has their own radio station. That's pretty cool. I bet the blue people since to "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65 on repeat. (oddly enough Eiffel 65 is an Italian group)
- The blue people or Na'Vi (which is strangely close to spelling Nativity) speak perfect English. What a coincidence! Imagine having to read subtitles while watching 3d battles ... major bummer for kids who don't read good.
- The film has been rated PG-13 by the MPAA for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking. ORLY?
- The protagonist is a former US Marine who was wounded in combat on earth and paralyzed from the waist down. So ... apparently, 200 years from now, we're still in Afghanistan.
- "Jake is selected to participate in the Avatar program, which will enable him to walk." So apparently in the future, disabled people can walk around but only while masquerading as 10 foot tall blue creatures with tails. (That's really mean James Cameron!). If I could walk around as a blue creature, I'd commit arson and tax fraud and blame it on my blue avatar.
- "As humans encroach deeper into Pandora's forests in search of valuable minerals, the Na’vi unleash their formidable warrior abilities to defend their threatened existence." Lame. James Cameron could cut this movie to a 15-minute short story with one simple prop ... smallpox blankets. Seriously I'm surprised that the humans didn't offer empty treaties and relocate the blue people to Oklahoma to build casinos (and damn good ones by the way).
- "Over time, Jake integrates himself into the Na'vi clan, and begins to fall in love with Neytiri. As a result, Jake finds himself caught between the military-industrial forces of Earth and the Na’vi, forcing him to choose sides in an epic battle that will decide the fate of Pandora forever."
Hint: Jake is a liberal. He'll choose love and probably stop shaving and live in the forest with the blue people and smoke pot and make pottery and then make trips home to Florida to vote for Al Gore IV.
Jake needs to learn there are a lot of 10-foot tall blue girls looking for disabled humans who pretend to be someone else. (cough that was the plot of the Matrix cough). Just let the humans take over and get them moon rocks and then marry whatever is left (I bet a human/Na'vi kid would probably resemble Keith van Horn). Then Jake can return to Earth or Pandora and start Cash4MoonRocks and make some serious bank to buy enough whiskey to assuage the pain of his transgressions.
Heartwarming Holiday Picture
I think that in this time of economic uncertainty and the general feeling of despair that is being felt around the world, its important to remember that Mr. T was once Santa Claus with Nancy Reagan sitting on his lap.
So Sad and Disgusting I Want to Vomit
I'm not sad, in fact I'm feeling great right now. However after watching the following video, you will probably feel like throwing up out of disgust and a feeling of sadness watching someone prepare a 6,805 calorie macaroni salad with 358 grams of fat 68 of which are saturated. The creature preparing the food can barely even talk without being out of breath. Without further introduction, enjoy this presentation of "Simply Sara - Wanda's Macaroni Salad."
How I Feel About Last Night’s Patriots Game
I want to express my feelings through video but I think that any expression using the typical fail video would not do justice to the heart ache and pain I feel about last night's 35-34 loss to the Colts. Thus I am going to present the following video of Corey Feldman emulating Michael Jackson. If you get bored fast forward to 2:15 for a special surprise ending.
Online Dating FTW
As some of you know, I've been single for quite some time. I'm not actively looking for a life partner but if I was, I would totally hit this. not.
Sexual Harassment Can Be Funny?
Sexual harassment is a serious workplace problem but in many cases, the educational materials used to convey important points about what is and what is not proper behavior often end up making light of the situation. Thus the video for you today. This is 3 minutes of "what not to do" from 17 videos obtained and edited by the Found Footage Festival.
Personally we should also create laws that outlaw people from sharing fringe political views or daily updates about their cat "Mr. Whiskers" or recaps of shows nobody watches (example anything featuring Wanda Sykes).
The Deep South Super Bowl Shuffle
60-year-old men with deep southern accents doing a take off the famous Super Bowl shuffle. Enjoy.
Sammy Stephens vs. NWA
99 percent of the time when someone does a video mashup, they fail. This one is pretty decent, although it loses its place for a bit around the :40 second mark. Oh and the audio is NWA so its definitely not safe for work (unless you work somewhere really cool).
Recap: Martin Atkins Speaking/Playing at Red7
Musician, author, lecturer and man of 10+ skills, Martin Atkins gave a presentation tonight on modern music promotion. Here are some highlights:
Free is the New Black
Use free music to generate revenue in other ways. He briefly mentioned Radiohead's pay what you feel campaign for In Rainbows but stated that was now antiquated (amazing how fast the industry has changed). Rather he used the example of Prince giving away a free copy of his new album in a UK tabloid that resulted in a string of sold out shows at London's O2 arena. Another analogy could be Nine Inch Nails giving away their Ghosts album for free but providing a premium package that netted Reznor 750k in a day.
Have a Strategy
You should always have a strategy in anything that you do. One example that he used to bring the point home was a map of the United States and on it were the locations of the top 100 markets in the United States. If you draw a line roughly between Minneapolis and Austin, 85 of those markets are to the east where 15 are to the west. The idea behind it was that bands can make irrational touring decisions by failing to plan a tour that is both economical and reaches burgeoning fan bases. (see analytics below)
Brick by Brick
Everything you do to promote and improve yourself as an artist adds allows you to build your brand and eventually brick by brick you will be able to build something great. He mentioned looking at the Great Wall and marveling at its construction but then realizing it was built one brick at a time. Martin emphasized constantly working and making connections even if its only one or two people per show because over time it adds up. Having 10,000 fans is only a multiple of interacting with small groups and individuals.
Be Original
This wasn't really about creating original music as it was creating original ways to sell and promote it. He used some of the following examples:
Moldover's circuit board theremin cd case
Shogun Kunitoki's strobe light kit and (video)
Use Analytics
Martin demoed YouTube's analytics capabilities by showing visitor locations and level of attention. He argued that you should use analytics tools that give geographical data in order to find out where your fans are located and that you should use YouTube's hot spot feature to see where attention drops off during your videos and edit content appropriately.
Music is ...
"A 28 hour a day, 9 nine day a week, 58 weeks per year commitment"
Oh and there's an asterisk
"If your songs suck, you don't practice and your live show sucks, forget any of the above."
What I wanted to hear:
I thought it was a great lecture but the only thing that was missing was any discussion of online promotion. He alluded to the demise of Myspace but he didn't really mention alternative online promotion strategies. For a while there every band had a Myspace and you had to be on there for better or worse but with Facebook stealing users, bands have to find new ways develop fans and Facebook's page application is useful (aka analytics) but doesn't compare to Myspace. He did mention he had 60+ slides he didn't cover and I could have probably gotten into a long winded discussion with him if I wasn't so pre-occupied with who was winning Game 6.
More on Martin Atkins:
Wikipedia
Twitter
Tour Smart