Avatar Observations
Yeah yeah yeah, you've read 20 other blogs reviewing Avatar and have already seen the movie and drunkenly discussed the film with your friends but I'd like to offer my thoughts. I saw the film in IMAX 3D on the final showing before it switches over to Alice in Burtonland and here are some of my observations (note I will not use any mainstream criticisms like the plot or the mineral unobtanium):
Avatar Internet > Earth Internet
On Pandora, if you want to get online and check emails from your ancestors, IM with animals or post on the Tree God's forum, all you have to do is plug your hair into their network. No router. No 404 errors. No network problems. No $30 in monthly fees. No unhelpful foreign tech support telling you to cycle the modem. No rickrolling. No trolling.
In fact the only bad part is that if someone with dirty hair also uses the same connection point you're going to get some nasty hair issues.
edit: Their internet doesn't have porn or torrents so its probably even
Avatar's Blue People > Blue Man Group > "Blue (ba da bee)" by Eiffel 65
Avatar's blue people are 10 feet tall, shoot poisonous arrows and can communicate with nature without the use of acid. The blue man group just bangs on stuff and Eiffel 65 still sucks.
Long and awkward crowd shots: Matrix Reloaded > Avatar
Avatar features some really out of place shots during the community prayer sequence at the magic tree (yes I did just say that). All the blue people swaying and praying made me feel awkward much in the way that the cave rave shots from Matrix Reloaded made that movie awkward. The only difference was the Matrix had some nips.
Avatar political preaching > Michael Moore
I know everyone has already covered this but rather than choose to be subtle in how he presented his message, James Cameron made it perfectly clear. The blue people are Democrats.
Use of black screens to cut scenes: Law and Order > Avatar
Avatar surprised me in that it featured multiple instances where a new scene was introduced by the previous scene fading to black. At least Law and Order puts some text to give you an idea of where they are.
Big budget lesser known actors: Sam Worthington > Elijah Wood
In order to play Frodo, Elijah Wood basically grew out his hair because he's already a small person. Sam Worthington either had the muscles removed from his legs or he rode a Segway for three months straight because when they did shots of his legs, they were sticks. I'll give him some respect for dedication.
Those things you sit in and shoot things with: Avatar > Matrix Revolutions
In Matrix reloaded the TTYSIASTW's were pretty lame (not to mention the cringeworthy Braveheart ripoff speech where the general rallies the TTYSIASTW operators and they all lift their left arm gun things in unison). In Avatar the TTYSIASTWs featured a cockpit w/HUD that protected them rather than the open cockpits of the machines in Matrix Revolutions. The TTYSIASTWs in Avatar allowed them to manipulate objects and hold different weapons and had a surprising amount of dexterity. In both movies however, the TTYSIASTWs are ultimately defeated by smaller and more nimble creatures.
More unlikely romance: Anna Nicole Smith and that rich old guy > Avatar
Both examples feature people that shouldn't really be together considering their circumstances but in each instance their romances were able to flourish despite criticism from close friends/family. In Avatar the fake blue guy is nearly killed by his future wife which tends to happen a lot in the real world. How often do we hear things like "My wife is gonna kill me when she finds out I bet on the Colts" or "My wife almost killed me with a golf club after discovering I cheated on her with 10 different women."
But the reason Anna Nicole Smith wins is because even blind people could see through that romance. Of course she's dead now so I guess her move didn't really pay off (yeah cruel joke but Haiti is much more tragic than a former Playboy model with drug problems)
Would an army of dragons, dinosaurs and archers actually beat a squad of gunships in real life?
Yes but only due to the fact that with current budget overruns and controversies over military contracts, these machines will probably never be built.
Blue-daism > RDAtheism
You'll only get that if you saw the movie.
Avatar Makes Perfect Sense
- The planet where the action takes place is called Pandora. So I guess that means that everyone on the planet has their own radio station. That's pretty cool. I bet the blue people since to "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65 on repeat. (oddly enough Eiffel 65 is an Italian group)
- The blue people or Na'Vi (which is strangely close to spelling Nativity) speak perfect English. What a coincidence! Imagine having to read subtitles while watching 3d battles ... major bummer for kids who don't read good.
- The film has been rated PG-13 by the MPAA for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking. ORLY?
- The protagonist is a former US Marine who was wounded in combat on earth and paralyzed from the waist down. So ... apparently, 200 years from now, we're still in Afghanistan.
- "Jake is selected to participate in the Avatar program, which will enable him to walk." So apparently in the future, disabled people can walk around but only while masquerading as 10 foot tall blue creatures with tails. (That's really mean James Cameron!). If I could walk around as a blue creature, I'd commit arson and tax fraud and blame it on my blue avatar.
- "As humans encroach deeper into Pandora's forests in search of valuable minerals, the Na’vi unleash their formidable warrior abilities to defend their threatened existence." Lame. James Cameron could cut this movie to a 15-minute short story with one simple prop ... smallpox blankets. Seriously I'm surprised that the humans didn't offer empty treaties and relocate the blue people to Oklahoma to build casinos (and damn good ones by the way).
- "Over time, Jake integrates himself into the Na'vi clan, and begins to fall in love with Neytiri. As a result, Jake finds himself caught between the military-industrial forces of Earth and the Na’vi, forcing him to choose sides in an epic battle that will decide the fate of Pandora forever."
Hint: Jake is a liberal. He'll choose love and probably stop shaving and live in the forest with the blue people and smoke pot and make pottery and then make trips home to Florida to vote for Al Gore IV.
Jake needs to learn there are a lot of 10-foot tall blue girls looking for disabled humans who pretend to be someone else. (cough that was the plot of the Matrix cough). Just let the humans take over and get them moon rocks and then marry whatever is left (I bet a human/Na'vi kid would probably resemble Keith van Horn). Then Jake can return to Earth or Pandora and start Cash4MoonRocks and make some serious bank to buy enough whiskey to assuage the pain of his transgressions.
