A few days ago I wrote a post where I prayed for Hakeem Nicks to win my fantasy matchup for me.
Well Hakeem Nicks finished with 6 points and I lost 70 to 67 ... or so I thought. Two days later, the NFL made an official scoring change that won the game for me. My opponent started Kurt Warner and one of his touchdown passes was ruled a rushing touchdown by the receiver so I ended up winning 67 to 64.
So my theory is that God just got behind with the holiday prayers and then got to my request and thought "Oh man, if I don't grant this young man's wish, their faith in me will never be the same. Time for me to influence the NFL scoring committee."
Thanks God. Oh and for all you suckas praying for world peace or something dumb like that ... keep on praying. Like I said, God likes originality not lame prayers for world peace or an end to hunger or a cure for homosexuality.
Every time a game comes down to the final seconds ... when a long field goal is needed or when you have 4th and 5 with the national championship on the line ... they always cut to people on both sides praying for their team. One person wants the field goal to be wide right or the passed to be dropped while the other person wants it right through the middle of the uprights or an amazing game winning play. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't but God doesn't care if you aren't praying in his house.
You see, God doesn't build churches to cause traffic delays on Sundays ... he builds each and every one (except the weird religions) with the idea of providing a haven for people's misguided prayers.
Which is exactly what I did tonight.
Now I know what you're saying "You went to church just to pray for your fantasy team?" ... Well yeah what did you do? Heck I bet you didn't even go to church, you probably spent Sunday listening to Bon Jovi and clipping your fingernails. So at least I went, jerk. Oh and it isn't my team, its a certain member of my team, Hakeem Nicks who needs 10+ points tomorrow so that I can beat Corey's team.
I realize you might think its selfish. After all the world is filled with war, famine and other major geopolitical problems but you know what God is tired of opening his inbox everyday to see another email saying "Prayer for Middle East Peace" ... heck I bet his spam filter automatically catches messages asking for peace, cures for ill relatives, an end to hunger or new bicycles.
God wants the good stuff which is what I was put on this earth to do. I think if the 6pm news has taught me anything, God only provides bizarre miracles. You know what I'm talking about, everyone with cancer who makes an appeal for donations always dies before surgery or treatment can be performed but when some stupid kid's dog runs away ... the dog always comes back and sometimes with lasers.
Now you might say what about people who prayed for the Red Sox, or people who continue to pray for the Cubs? Well to answer your question, God doesn't answer prayers in weird accents.
God, we're cool. Make it happen.
Going to Church to Pray for My Fantasy Team
Every time a game comes down to the final seconds ... when a long field goal is needed or when you have 4th and 5 with the national championship on the line ... they always cut to people on both sides praying for their team. One person wants the field goal to be wide right or the passed to be dropped while the other person wants it right through the middle of the uprights or an amazing game winning play. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't but God doesn't care if you aren't praying in his house.
You see, God doesn't build churches to cause traffic delays on Sundays ... he builds each and every one (except the weird religions) with the idea of providing a haven for people's misguided prayers.
Which is exactly what I did tonight.
Now I know what you're saying "You went to church just to pray for your fantasy team?" ... Well yeah what did you do? Heck I bet you didn't even go to church, you probably spent Sunday listening to Bon Jovi and clipping your fingernails. So at least I went, jerk. Oh and it isn't my team, its a certain member of my team, Hakeem Nicks who needs 10+ points tomorrow so that I can beat Corey's team.
I realize you might think its selfish. After all the world is filled with war, famine and other major geopolitical problems but you know what God is tired of opening his inbox everyday to see another email saying "Prayer for Middle East Peace" ... heck I bet his spam filter automatically catches messages asking for peace, cures for ill relatives, an end to hunger or new bicycles.
God wants the good stuff which is what I was put on this earth to do. I think if the 6pm news has taught me anything, God only provides bizarre miracles. You know what I'm talking about, everyone with cancer who makes an appeal for donations always dies before surgery or treatment can be performed but when some stupid kid's dog runs away ... the dog always comes back and sometimes with lasers.
Now you might say what about people who prayed for the Red Sox, or people who continue to pray for the Cubs? Well to answer your question, God doesn't answer prayers in weird accents.
God, we're cool. Make it happen.