Avatar Makes Perfect Sense
- The planet where the action takes place is called Pandora. So I guess that means that everyone on the planet has their own radio station. That's pretty cool. I bet the blue people since to "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65 on repeat. (oddly enough Eiffel 65 is an Italian group)
- The blue people or Na'Vi (which is strangely close to spelling Nativity) speak perfect English. What a coincidence! Imagine having to read subtitles while watching 3d battles ... major bummer for kids who don't read good.
- The film has been rated PG-13 by the MPAA for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking. ORLY?
- The protagonist is a former US Marine who was wounded in combat on earth and paralyzed from the waist down. So ... apparently, 200 years from now, we're still in Afghanistan.
- "Jake is selected to participate in the Avatar program, which will enable him to walk." So apparently in the future, disabled people can walk around but only while masquerading as 10 foot tall blue creatures with tails. (That's really mean James Cameron!). If I could walk around as a blue creature, I'd commit arson and tax fraud and blame it on my blue avatar.
- "As humans encroach deeper into Pandora's forests in search of valuable minerals, the Na’vi unleash their formidable warrior abilities to defend their threatened existence." Lame. James Cameron could cut this movie to a 15-minute short story with one simple prop ... smallpox blankets. Seriously I'm surprised that the humans didn't offer empty treaties and relocate the blue people to Oklahoma to build casinos (and damn good ones by the way).
- "Over time, Jake integrates himself into the Na'vi clan, and begins to fall in love with Neytiri. As a result, Jake finds himself caught between the military-industrial forces of Earth and the Na’vi, forcing him to choose sides in an epic battle that will decide the fate of Pandora forever."
Hint: Jake is a liberal. He'll choose love and probably stop shaving and live in the forest with the blue people and smoke pot and make pottery and then make trips home to Florida to vote for Al Gore IV.
Jake needs to learn there are a lot of 10-foot tall blue girls looking for disabled humans who pretend to be someone else. (cough that was the plot of the Matrix cough). Just let the humans take over and get them moon rocks and then marry whatever is left (I bet a human/Na'vi kid would probably resemble Keith van Horn). Then Jake can return to Earth or Pandora and start Cash4MoonRocks and make some serious bank to buy enough whiskey to assuage the pain of his transgressions.
